The Wounds of A Friend / The Love of a Father

God is good. Yesterday, I was just really praying that the Lord would speak to me in some way. He sure did. I recently approached a friend regarding some concerns which I had in regards to his motives. Funny how we're reminded of our planks when we start pointing out the spinters in others' lives. I suppose you need to ready to take it when you dish it out. My friend was just as ready to address a number of issues in my life, and though I was hurt for a moment, I'm glad the truth was spoken. Proverbs 27:6 says "faithful are the wounds of a friend." I walked from the situation both relieved and saddened. For one, I'm disappointed that I would be such an inconsiderate friend. I'm also saddened as I think I may have damaged the friendship...so much so, I'm not sure that it will ever be repaired. I've definitely sought forgiveness, but I still don't know that this will make a difference in regards to the friendship. On the other hand, I'm glad I've been made aware of some issues I need to take care of in my own life. I wish I could pursue the relationship, but I'm not sure that this other person is interested in continuing where we left off.

Heb 12:7-11 reads "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Sometimes, it's easy for me to doubt God's love. I think the fact that He continues to pursue me and discipline me (even through the words of a friend) is a reminder that He truly cares, and stilll longs to mold me into the image of His Son. It's amazing how in a single day, you can see both God's blessing and discipline. In one hour, He gives you what you don't deserve and in the next moment, He gives you a "time out." I'm glad to have a Father who has the grace to both give me gifts of joy and pains which force me to grow up.

News From "Driven"

Just returned this weekend from a 3 1/2 day Grace Brethren young adult retreat. Very cool experience. I played keyboard in the worship band every morning and evening, and the guys (from my band) came up Thursday night and we had a concert. Been super busy with church, work, and family...all great things. =) It's been a long time since I've worked on the webpage. Hopefully, I'll work a bit on that in the next week or two. The band and I are preparing our time at Teens At Bethel in WV in July. We'll probably have a number of practices over the next couple weeks.

God is good, and I am learning a ton. More coming soon...

Losing Your Muffler In Canton

Had a good time at Heritage Christian School in Canton, OH yesterday. Rob, AJ, and I all piled into the station wagon along with 4 guitars, a keyboard, and a couple amps. About 45 minutes from Canton, my muffler fell off (it was dragging on the road). There's a story for every trip. =) Unfortunately, we didn't snap any photos. I need to get a digital camera one of these days.

We played an hour set for about 130 middle school and high students. AJ shared about his unbringing in my music, and also shared his testimony. We learned that Marilyn Manson attended elememtary school at Heritage Christian School. Hung out with four students afterwards for a few minutes. Pretty cool kids.

After pulling my muffler off and disposing of it in a trashcan, we jumped back on the road toward Columbus. On the way, we stopped at an Applebee's, and talked music, Christ, and life. I'm honored to work with Rob and AJ (as well as the other guys in the band). We had some pretty cool discussions yesterday.

Our next confirmed show is at the Driven Young Adult Conference in Gambier, OH, June 16th. I'm going to start working on trying to book some shows at various colleges. I'm just seeing more and more that I need to focus on this age group. It seems to be who my music really reaches.

God is good, and is teaching me a ton. I'm pretty tired today. I was up late last night practicing piano. I'm really trying to stay in the habit of practicing everyday. Also, trying to get out and run several times a week. It's amazing how your metabolism begins to change when you're reaching for 30. =)

Looking Forward To The Concert

Tonight, we play at Delaware Grace Brethren Church in Delaware, OH. (visit http://www.marcandremusic.com/news.html for more details) The whole band will be there...Brian, AJ, Joey, Rob, and Rich. I think the church is expecting about 75 people, so it'll be a little smaller of a show...but we're excited.

We had a practice yesterday afternoon and it went great. I just picked up a new 180 watt keyboard amp which is sweet. We plugged Joey's bass into that thing, and let me tell you...wow!! It's great to hear the low end. Tonight, I'm also planning (for the first time) to use my new Alesis Ion analog ing syth for some effecty stuff. Rich will be using my Kurzweil PC2X for piano and organ sounds.

I am trying to add a new twist every couple practices. As an example, about a month ago, we finally got rid of all the charts. Everybody's playing from memory now, which really helps with stage presence. There are a still several songs I'd like to add to our set list including "A Thousand Gods," "Ladder," and possibly a few more tunes from "Dishes." There is even an unreleased tune which I'm considering adding to the list.

Arranging set lists is always interesting. It's important to keep the energy going, and one of the toughest things I've run into is knowing where to stick the slower songs. Sometimes, it takes playing a set list live to know if it's working or not. We've even switched things on the fly before, depending on the crowd response.

Well, its time for a quick lunch. After that, I'll pack the station wagon with gear and head up to Delaware.

Music, In A Broader Sense

It's funny how we sometimes fight so hard for the things we think we want. For the longest time, I've thought that my dream job would involve being a traveling Christian musician...and though I still am very interested in traveling and performing, I've realized just how much broader my interest in music is.

I'm currently working about 40 hrs a week producing audio/music for a soon-to-be nationally syndicated children's television show and I'm having a blast! I think it has only been in the last couple years that I've really developed an interest in music production for television and movies. There is something that I enjoy about working in musical styles which I am not neccessarily familiar with. I suppose it's a challenge, and the reality is, every bit of music that I involve myself in eventually contributes to my own sound as a Christian rock musician. I also like enhancing the mood of picture through the vehicle of sound.

It's quite ironic that nearly five years ago, I was offered a job to compose music for a children's television show, and though I began working for that company, I hardly wrote a lick of music...until now. After being employed by that company for 3 1/2 yrs, I was laid off in 2004, and was just recently rehired to do all things but...produce and arrange music for a children's show! Weird how God works sometimes.

In working this job, I've started to see how much of my interest lies in the producing/studio work of music, regardless of style. It also seems that I could survive much longer as a producer than as an "artist." There's a lot more 50 yr producers who have jobs compared to 50 yr old rock stars.

In conclusion, I am still very interested in getting out and doing music from "Backstage Pass" and at some point, Lord willing, I'd like to work towards putting out another album. It's just that now I'm trying even more to have my irons in many fires. You never know what will take root.

Pairing Off

You know you are old when kids you used to work with in Neighborhood Bible Club are pairing off. I attend a young adult group both on Thursday and Sunday night, and it is a strange dynamic at times. There's some people that are there just to grow in their walk with God, and then there are those guys and girls who have one thing on their minds - getting hooked up. I once attended a young adult group where a number of the girls where frustrated because the guys in the group were always trying to get numbers and go on dates. So, I suppose I'm a little gun shy now, fearing that I will offend a girl if I try to ask her out. Friends of mine keep bringing random women to the group, and before much more than a week goes by, these girls seem to start pairing off with guys in the group. It's like how do you even have an opportunity when every potential interest is swept away before you have a chance to open your mouth? On some level, it's frustrating even trying. I've met some girls who appeared to have some interest, and more often than not, they are just being friendly. How's a guy to read these things? I certainly can't. I wish the whole relationship thing could be simpler. Maybe this is extremely selfish, but it was annoying tonight as I continued to get stuck in conversations with guys (not that I wasn't interested, but this seems to happen every week), and hardly had a chance to meet any young ladies.

I wonder sometimes who actually reads this blog. For a while, I kept from addressing certain issues in the blog (ie. the dating issue above) because I didn't want people to see that I really struggled. I've been afraid that some woman was going to read my ramblings and think I was a freak, and make decisions about me before ever getting to know me. I guess there is just so much pressure to be perfect. It seems like women these days want the perfect guy, the man who is always strong...the reality is, I'm an average guy who loves Jesus, and makes a lot of mistakes in the journey. I'm not perfect; I'm not some super hunk nor super saint. I'm just a genuine guy who wants to learn to love a genuine girl. Why is this so difficult? The more you desire to have a relationship, the more it seems wrong, as such things should occur naturally without forced effort. So again, I try to forget that I ever wanted such things, as I once more seek God for a patient heart.

Blog Overhaul

The blog is getting an overhaul!! As you have probably noticed, I've changed the colors and layout. I've also started moving all the old blog entries to a new journal page on website: http://www.marcandremusic.com/journal.html

After two years of blogging, the blog was getting a bit cluttered and I decided it'd be a good idea to categorize my blog entries. All the newsletters and entries from the "Making of Backstage Pass" will soon have their own page on the journal page at www.marcandremusic.com. In addition, all the "Behind the Songs" entries have been moved to a new page on the above journal page. I will continue to add new song descriptions as time permits. The last song I dissected was track #7 "Fooled."

Soon, this blog will become a broader journal of my own life experience, although it will still include many entries regarding concerts and musical ventures. Stay tuned.

Fears of Frailty

Like any human, I suppose I am somewhat hesitant about revealing the fallen and weaker side of myself. As a perfectionist, I demand so much from my art, from myself, and at times, from others. The gift of being able to dig deep into your own psyche comes with it the tendencies of over analysis and self criticism. As a child, I remember being sent to a counselor because I was exclaiming that I hated myself. I used to throw temper tantrums when I couldn't find that one missing Lego piece which I at the time needed so desperately. Sure, I have "matured" since then, but at times, I still find the same misconceptions parading an easily discouraged mind.

Blogs take on a lot of forms, and to this point, mine has been carefully streamlined, excluding for the most part the valleys of doubt and fear which can so easily flood the artistic brain. In a world of airbrushes, the temptation to "look presentable" is great. As a Christian musician, I sometimes feel the pressure to look invincible.

Over the last couple months, I've been involved in a guy's Bible study which meets every Tuesday night. It's awesome how we are becoming more and more open with each other. Sometimes, I get tired of being labeled as "the musician" as I want people to see the person underneath the music. I want people to like me for more than just my skills or "my influence." As musicians, it's easy to hide behind our "abilities." I've found that a lot of musicians are pretty insecure people. You can cover a lot of blemishes if you are able to point others' attention to what "you are good at." Recently, I've been reminded of the importance of finding my value in Christ. The smallest things can throw us. I've been a little discouraged recently. The whole show thing has been frustrating. It's tough to get into venues where there are a fair of amount of people. I'm tired of doing the local shows as it often feels like the "prophet has no honor is his own town." Local radio stations won't support us, and not very many people have been coming out to our local shows. As the poem below mentions, I am really trying to find God's will in all this. I think there is just part of me which wants to settle down, get married, and have a family. Only God knows how this will happen. I would like to meet the right woman, but for some reason, I feel like I just keep running into walls. As frustrating as it is at times, maybe God wants me to remain single, at least for the time.

"The Pen" - A Poem on Writing

Why do I keep writing? What is so enchanting about an emotion set to pen? There is something in the written word which transcends dialog, even deep discussions. Thoughts swirl about my head and in some strange process, the galactic chaos of my mind is neatly packaged in bitesize verses and refrains. I wonder about the reality of another album. It seems there are inspired zygotes awaiting a moment of concentration. After all the slammed doors, debt, and aching questions, I wonder why I would ever consider the possibility of a junior project. I surely haven't experienced enough "success" to justify the sacrifices neccessary for a third record. Did God lead me to create Backstage Pass; did He sustain me through unending edits, vocal layers, and nights of near quitting...or was it a stubborn spirit which pushed me past listening, and beyond good sense? Have the last nine concerts been dvinely orchestrated or have I simply slipped into an unordered stream of rocky promise? Am I clinging to a childhood pipe dream, wasting both time and resource...or am I called to create? Is walking away from it all a sign of overdue surrender, or might such an action come as slap in the Maker's face?

Marc Andre - April 20th, 2005

"Cycles" - A Poem On Human Frailty

Lord, where do I begin today? Life has been a wash of changing situations – stabilities constantly digressing. How dependent I find myself – riding the waves of progression, sinking as tides calm. How I dream of resting – long hours of sleep will not do, inactivity only breeds sinful curiosities. Is equilibrium within a spinning world even a possibility? If only I could break free of the cycles – I am controlled by blessings; when blessing fail or even but for a moment cease to pour, I am steered by substitutions which leave me distant from the only Constant I know.

Today I am again climbing out of the rebellious valley which so easily besets me. Oh, to be sinless – to constantly hunger for the One who wove me together. Lord, how can you still love me…after years of disobedience? You not only know what I’ve done; you know the sins I will commit two weeks from now.

Why do I claw my way into the dark places which I so quickly flee from in disgust? “Why are you here again?,” I ask myself, “Don’t you remember how lost you were left last time?.” After the sin comes several days of wandering, having plunged into darkness, I seek to find again that seemingly distant light, which appears only as a speck above a musty cavern. As a foolish child returns its hand to the wounding stovetop, so I ingest again my own vomit.

Father, I love You. Break me again. May You have Your will in my life. Renew a tired soul, awaken a cynical spirit. The life which once swam in abundance is finding burdens in breathing. I feel old, past tense, discarded, as a trend faded, like a bird who now only speaks in whispers about the flight which once set it free.

How can a human being enjoy life when all of life’s offers diminish? I shun the things I once loved for they are cursed with fading. I am saddened with prospects of an unfulfilled life. I am disturbed knowing that life is stronger than me; I am unable to harness or control it. I will forever on some level be a victim, yet I dream of conquering the mortal chains which take me captive…to lay aside the human frailties and embrace the spirit qualities which I have been gracefully and mysteriously imparted. If I were only human, I would not wish for such things; the spirit man and the flesh man are in constant battle. Today, I wish for the spirit man to win.

-Marc Andre (April 2005)

After The Show

Had a great time playing at Life Community Church in Hilliard last night! Thanks to everyone who came out and supported us. It looks like Darby Refuge and the Marc Andre band may be doing some more shows together in the future...stay tuned. Hopefully, we'll have a DVD clip posted of last night's show in the near future.

In other news, all the songs on "Backstage Pass" are now finally registered with ASCAP...after four months of waiting! A friend of mine is working to promote songs from the album to radio stations abroad.

New shows added: check out the calendar at: http://www.marcandremusic.com/news.html to see newly posted upcoming shows, including a trip to Point Pleasant, WV in July and a journey to Bristol, TN in November!

In "day job" news...this next week, we will tape the last episode of season one of the kid's show I've been working on over the last 3 months. This means I should soon be back into the 40hr per week work groove. After next week, we will have recorded nearly 35 kids songs for this soon-to-be nationally syndicated program (I can't really reveal the name quit yet). I'm mostly producing the songs (not writing them), but it's been a fun experience. It's been a long time since I've been able to use a tuba sample in a song. =) I've been using Apple's Logic Pro, Garage Band, and DigiDesign's Pro Tools in the music creation process.

Today, I am chilling out and taking a breather after a pretty intense week. Praise God for His faithfulness.

A poster for the upcoming show on April 22nd. 

Playing Catch up

Finally...a Saturday to chill out...somewhat. Spring is here...it's a beautiful day in Columbus, OH, just another reminder of God's faithfulness.

Yesterday was the last 12 hour day of work for a week and half. I've been involved in the shooting of a national children's televsion show, and the crew is off until April 20th. I'll be working on other tv related things next week, but my hours will be a bit more conservative.

Tonight, the band is getting together to practice in preparation for the April 22nd concert at Life Community Church. We also had a practice this previous Monday night. It's awesome as we are now focusing more on overall feel and accents instead of which notes are to be played. The band is still playing with chord charts, but they are near the point of playing the songs entirely from memory.

As far as other album news goes, 7 of the 11 songs on "Backstage Pass" have been accepted by ASCAP. Not sure what the hold up is on the 4 "pending" songs. I started this registration process with ASCAP back in January.

Today, I need to seriously catch up on laundry and cleaning, and I need to get to the grocery as I haven't been there in weeks. In addition, the church I've been running sound for (on Sunday mornings) had a new sound system installed this week...so I need to stop by and familiarize myself with the new gear.

I'm also currently recovering from a cold, which I've had for a week and a half. I'm praying it clears up soon as the next show is quickly approaching. This cough is quite hindering when it comes to singing.

I have to be honest...life has been quite tiring recently. I just realize more and more how often I look to earthly circumstances to fullfill me. For example, I frequently catch myself finding my value in "excellence." That is, when I do something well (even if no one notices), I feel good about who I am. However, there are often times when there isn't anything to "accomplish" and it's easy for me to look at myself as unproductive...and even a bit worthless. Sometimes, God calls us to simply rest, and a lot of times, I find it hard to really slow down and stop planning and pursuing. I know life is so much bigger than what we do, and the spirit man inside me wants to learn what it means to live apart from the shackles of daily accomplishment. It stil amazes me to think that (as a Christian) God choose me before the foundation of the earth to be His servant...His choice wasn't based upon how good I was at this or that...He chose a wretched sinner to be in His family...a choice fueled by grace and unconditional love.

No Time To Write

Hey, just a quick hello to everyone keeping up with the blog. Things have been super busy. I've been working about 60 hours a week at a local production house/tv station producing audio and arranging music for a national kids show. On top of that, I run sound at a local church (freelance work) for Sunday morning services, concerts, weddings, funerals, etc. Hopefully, I will at least be back to a 40 hour work week starting in May. If you have contacted me, I apologize if I have not yet been able to return your email. I went from having occasional work to work out the ears!! The money is needed as I am still paying back (and will be for a while) the money I invested in the CD. Definitely a business loss...I may eventually sell enough CDs to break even, but at this point, it's faster to recover the money by working a regular job. It's also easier to see concerts and cd distribution as ministry when you're not wondering how you're going to buy the next meal. A couple months ago, there were times when it was that bad. I praise God for the opportunity to work again, although I realize that things can be taken away just as quickly as they are given. I'm trying to be content in both feast and famine.

The Trip To Vinton

What a great show yesterday! Around 2:30 yesterday, the band and I left for Vinton Baptist Church in Vinton, OH. After a long stretch of boring Ohio highway, we arrived at the church around 5pm and started setting up our gear and getting sound checks. At 7:00, the youth band of Vinton Baptist Church led us in worship. The pastor followed with a short meessage which challenged the teens to stay strong in their faith. After that, we and the crowd of 60 people or so grabbed some pizza in the fellowship hall. Our dinner was accented by a comedy routine performed by the pastor and several of the teens at the church. Very funny. The comedy continued as Rob and I discovered a little boy (5 or 6 yrs. old) fast asleep in the corner of the bathroom, underneath the paper towel dispenser. He was fine, just sleeping. =) Weird. Then...during the show (which started around 8:30), I clocked a little in the eye with the wireless microphone. She was dancing around on the stage during one of the songs and as she slipped out of sight behind me, I put the mic down only to bump her right above the eye with the mic. Wow, I felt bad! She turned out to be quite a trooper, and only moments later, she was up dancing around again.

We left Vinton around 10:15 pm and headed back to Columbus where we stopped at a Steak N Shake around 12:30 am. I finally got home around 2:00 am and was up at 7:30 this morning, as I had to run sound for a morning service at a local church. Needless to say, I'm pretty tired.

Thanks to the band: Brian Houts, Rob Bradley, AJ Mainyard, and Rich Barrett for a great show and thanks to the folks at Vinton Baptist Church for the opportunity to be a part of their ministry. God is good. So are naps. =)

Our next show is scheduled for April 22nd at Life Community Church in Hilliard, OH. Visit http://www.marcandremusic.com/news.html for the latest details.

ASCAP at last (almost, that is)

I received my ASCAP publisher's membership card today...finally. The whole process of registering with ASCAP began about four months ago. The next step is to register my albums as "works"...this may take another couple weeks. Having ASCAP membership should help with radio airplay.

A photo from Vineyard Cafe. March 6th, 2004. This was a SMALL show which we basically considered as a glorified practice. 

Is The Blog Dead?

Nope, the blog is not dead. Just haven't had much time to write as I did several weeks ago. Played at Vineyard Cafe the other night...things went well. I may post a picture or two in the near future. We have a band practice this coming monday in preparation for the Vinton Baptist Church concert on March 19th. Am I still pursuing music as heavily? Probably not at the moment, but I still knocking on doors and seeking opportunites...just with a little less intensity for the time being. I am working nearly 60 hours every week recording and producing audio for a kid's television show. I'm having some opportunity to arrange some of the music for the show, which is an interesting turn from the progressive rock I've been doing recently. =)

One of my biggest goals right now is to get things back together financially. These crazy hours are (Lord willing) only for a season. I hope we can be doing even more shows come summer or fall. Stay tuned.

Update

Well, I've been meaning to update the blog, but haven't had time recently. I'm still working quite a bit. Tonight, we had a band practice in preparation for upcoming concerts. This coming Sunday, we'll be playing at Vineyard Cafe in Westerville, OH. Check out http://www.marcandremusic.com/news.html for the latest news. In addition to the concerts listed, there are a number of other shows pending. More info soon arriving...

Update

Things have been very busy workwise the last week or so. I will hopefully add some more "significant" blog entries this week, including "Behind the Songs: A Thousands (track#8)." Spent some of this afternoon setting up some keyboard patches on my Roland XP-30, as I am playing synths and singing BGVs at Grace Brethren Polaris's Emerge service this evening.