Progress of the Album: The Married Man (Ch.14)

Recently, I’ve had several friends ask me if “the way I go about writing and producing music has changed since I’ve been married.” Great question. In short, the answer is yes. For one, I’ve had to become more intentional about when I work on the album. When I was single, I could pretty much indulge in music whenever I wanted. There were times when my life was quite imbalanced. My social life really suffered when I was working on Backstage Pass. I would lock myself up for hours in my roommate’s basement trying to finalize an arrangement or a lead vocal. There were days and weeks when I was downright obsessive. Has marriage cured me of my obsessive tendencies? No, this focus on detail and perfection is part of who I am and is something I will fight to keep in balance for the rest of my life. However, now that I’m married, I’ve learned to better limit my studio time and try to break up the long production days with some healthy variety - a walk in the park, an evening with friends, or a trip to Graeter’s Ice Cream. Generally, I work on music Monday nights and all day Thursday (as Thursday is my day off from the church) and occasionally, I will be so wired that I’ll stay up all night only to pay for my lack of sleep the next day or two. A doctor once told me that I have an overactive brain, and I think he was right. Some nights, I’ll lay in bed with my iPod still listening to a mix I created earlier that day. I often listen to my own songs driving to work, either for the purpose of analyzing a mix or creating new parts (background vocals, etc.). I wish that my brain had an “off” switch, but since it doesn’t, I’m learning how to better put some space between myself and the things I obsess over. I am so thankful that Crystal is patient with and supportive of me as I work through this long musical and emotional journey.

Marriage has also been helpful in that Crystal has really inspired me to focus more attention on people and their needs. It’s funny that I once wrote a song called Look Like You that talks of Christ’s compassion towards people, yet I often struggle to really care about others like I should. My wife Crystal has such a beautiful heart and is always trying to help other people – whether it’s a card she sends to someone discouraged or a delicious dessert she makes for someone’s birthday. I have really been challenged and inspired with her love and concern for others. The lyrics to Snapshots of the Shattered Soul deal with a lot of issues, yet many of the themes are more outwardly focused (in that the songs are often inspired or supported by the experiences and struggles of other people) and I believe this subtle change in direction can in part be attributed to the compassionate example of my wife.

Finally, as most married people would say, marriage really acts as a mirror. I see problems with myself that I was completely unaware of when I was single. Issues I thought were fixed have often simply reinvented themselves. As the old kid’s song goes, He’s still working me! ("He" being God, of course) Since I’ve been married, I’ve been that much more challenged to confront my own immaturities face on. Looking in the mirror is good for growth, and on top of that, it gives a writer that much more writing material!

As the years go on, I’m sure I will have much more to write on as it relates to marriage, but for the time being, I am including a song of promise on Snapshots of the Shattered Soul which will be a reminder to me of what I’ve committed to Crystal. It has been a tough song to write as love songs are a dime a dozen, and I’ve struggled to find the words to communicate my love for my bride. This album would not have happened if it wasn’t for her encouragement and companionship. In conclusion, I’d have to say that making music is that much sweeter and meaningful now that I have a friend and teammate like Crystal with whom to share the journey.