Always an Experience

It seems that I never take a dull road trip. Our trip to King College in Bristol, TN was fun and disappointing at the same time...as you will read in the blog entry below, written by guitarist Rob Bradley. This was our first real "road trip" where we hauled all our own equipment and traveled outside of the Ohio area. In the end, I was happy because we accomplished what we set out to do...but not without some mistakes and wrong turns. Life is like that. You try things, you fall down, and you get up and try again...hopefully having more experience and wisdom the second time around.

We started playing shows last November after I released my second project "Backstage Pass." It's been quite an experience. I can't hardly remember all the times we've walked away from shows disappointed and discouraged...mainly because of the lack of turnout. Repeatedly, we've been promised a certain number of concert attenders, and in most cases, our crowds have been a 1/3 or even a 1/4 of the number we expected. The most people we have played for is about 80 people. The average concert attendance is about 30-50 people, and I generally sell about 3-10 CDs per show. I'm trying to figure out if God has something against me...am I doing something wrong?...is it because I have not been tithing regularly...am I not living a pure enough life...why for years have concerts come as such a dissapointment? I say years because this is has been a pattern all the way back to the release of my first project "Dishes" in 2001 when I traveled to California in hopes of playing for several 1000 youth, and was instead dropped from the roster and given the opportunity of playing in front of 100 50-60 year olds. I think I spent over $500 to get out to California and probably sold about 10 CDs.

I know I have to just get up and keep pressing on. I know people like the music...I've heard it time and time again. People of all ages and from all walks of life have expressed their love for "Backstage Pass." The devil wants to make me think I suck as a writer, as a performer, and as a Christian. That's his job...that's what he does to all of us. I can sit here and whine and feel sorry for myself or I can get up and move forward. I can look for a booking agent. I can improve on the areas I need to improve on. In the midst of working out all the technical details of this trip, I hardly had time to work out my transitions between songs, and our band was only able to have 3 practices...all with a drummer who had never heard the tunes before. My first instinct is to blame myself for not doing better, for not being more prepared, for not being more proactive in advertising...but the reality is, I did everything I could. I put forth %100 with the time and resources I was entrusted with, and that's all I could have done.

I think God keeps trying to show me that it's not about the destination; it is instead about the journey. There is a dry cleaner place in Columbus which I often drive by...a place which displays words of wisdom on its sign. Most recently, the sign has read "Failure is not fatal and success is not permanent." Good perspective. I think recently I've just felt like my life is supposed to slow down and be mundane now that I am 30. I've lived with this misconception that "if I haven't accomplished it yet, it's too late." This goes for my pursuit of music and my pursuit for a lifelong companion. I just feel old...and again, this is the way the devil wants me to feel. I'm sure he wants to make me feel like "my life is over." I've wrestled with such thoughts as "No record label wants to hire a 30 year old artist...I'm too old for artist development" and "You've had trouble getting any women's attention thus far, and now you've missed your chance...all the good ones have been married, and you're too old to be dating the younger ones." He also likes to tell me that "I'm a terrible Christian because I struggle with impurity, and there's no way God can use me or my ministry because I am not perfect." Doesn't the Bible say that "the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy"? Why would these types of thoughts be inspired by a loving God who wants my best and wants me to remember that "He will never give me anything I can't handle" and "He will never leave me or forsake me?" How can I stand in this time of "failure" and "consider it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds?"