The Album: Motivation (Chapter 10, Part 1 of 2)

Are you a person who starts things and doesn’t finish them or are you a person who fights with sweaty determination to complete what you’ve started? Why are some of us so bad at follow-through and why are some of us so driven and persistent, even to the point of imbalance? I’m not sure if I have an answer for this. I suppose we all just have a different make-up. However, I do know that motives are critical to why many of us go to such great lengths to accomplish this or that. What pushes a summer sports Olympian to spend years and years preparing for an event that only happens once every four years? What drives an ice sculptor to work so long and diligently on one piece of art that is going to melt when the sun comes out and the temperature rises?

A Little History Lesson
Behind every goal and every project is a motive. As with anything else, the conception of a CD comes through a variety of motives - some good, some bad, some clear and intentional, some subliminal. There have been purposes behind every album I’ve produced. In 1989, I began my first rap album Initial Cut believing that I could reach people through Christian music, all the while attempting to follow in the shoes of my favorite band dc Talk. I also just thought it’d be a lot of fun to record an album! In 1994, I went on to record my second Christian rap album Mouse in the House, again hoping that listeners would be encouraged through the Christian songs and entertained through the fun songs. In 1995, I released a single at Word of Life Bible Institute called The Institute Thang (can you see the dc Talk influence?), this time with intentions of making a little extra cash, as I was a poor college student. There was also part of me that just really missed recording, and I felt that the production of a single like this was something I could do cheaply and without much time commitment (I produced it during the winter of 1994, during my Christmas break). In 1996, I released another rap single at Liberty University – My Almamater. This time around, I was attempting to raise some money to buy a computer so I could start recording digitally using Pro Tools. I made some money from the sales of the cassette, but not as much as I had hoped. The following semester, a friend of mine produced a music video for My Almamater, and it was through the sales of this video that I made enough cash to purchase my first computer, a Macintosh clone). After buying this computer, I began recording songs in my dorm room at Liberty University. One of the first songs I recorded was Dishes (which was later re-recorded for my Dishes album, which debuted in 2001). There weren’t any deep motives behind the production of the first version of Dishes; I simply was trying to get more acquainted with Pro Tools and digital recording. In 2007, I put out my first rap CD that included two versions of My Almamater, and two other Liberty University inspired songs – Jerryland and Red Mudd (all projects previous to this had been released on cassette). During the school year of 1996, My Almamater had grown in popularity at Liberty University (it was often played on the campus radio station, C-91). Some people were asking me if I had the song on CD instead of cassette… so I assumed that a re-release of My Almamater on CD would be just the ticket to more sales. I also thought some additional songs (Jerryland, and Red Mudd) would increase the value of the album. However, sadly, the Jerryland CD did not sell well at all, and the song Jerryland never gained the popularity of the formally released My Almamater.

From Rap To Pop to Rock
After graduating from Liberty University in 1998, I began considering the possibility of producing a pop rock CD. From what I remember, there were several motives behind this move. For one, I wanted to step away from rap and try something more challenging. The more I examined the rap medium, the more I felt that it was relatively simple and didn’t require that much talent to produce. I also felt a little ashamed that I couldn’t sing, so I started trying to write melodic songs and sing them. It’s possible I was also again trying to follow in the shoes of dc Talk, who was likewise moving away from rap and towards rock. I remember hearing the song Jesus Freak and thinking, “Wow! That is really cool! I bet I’ll be more current if I start singing pop rock songs instead of rapping.” At first, I wasn’t sure how I would ever record a professional band-driven CD. However, one day my friend Dave Bechtel introduced me to an incredible Columbus-based guitarist named Tom Tussing. Tom ended up playing about 90% of the guitar parts on the Dishes album, and Dave helped to produce the album. The excitement of working towards a finished product was also coupled with a hope that a record label would likewise gain an interest in me as an artist. For the first time in my life, I began dreaming seriously about a career in music. This hope served as a backdrop behind two years of dedicated sweat and tears. The Dishes album was released in July of 2001.

After a two-year recording hiatus, I began writing my second rock album Backstage Pass in 2003. The motives behind this project were much different than those behind any other project. I was very heart-broken at the time, and I just needed to get my feelings out in a constructive way (this is seen in songs like Hurricane, After Everything, and Pull Through.) The lyrics from this album poured from an aching spirit instead of from a spirit forcing itself to find topics to write about. Backstage Pass debuted in October of 2004.

The Rollercoaster of Music Production
The creative journey can be a mixture of disappointment and soaring fulfillment. Along my musical path have been many ups and downs. Looking back, I can remember some really discouraging moments. I recall being quite discouraged at one point during my college years, so discouraged that I threw an entire box of unsold My Almamater cassettes in a dumpster behind one of the dorms. I remember a campus grounds student employee calling me to say he had found a box of my cassettes in a dumpster, to which I responded that I had meant to throw them away. I don’t think he knew what to say to that.

Days after the release of Dishes in 2001, I was set to perform some of my new songs for thousands of teenagers in Anaheim, CA. I actually rush ordered the first run of Dishes, and had about 300 CDs shipped ahead of time to Anaheim, hoping that I could sell them all to my new found fans. It turns out that the coordinator for this event cancelled my slot in the program, and instead scheduled me to sing for a roomful of 50+ year-old pastors who didn’t understand my music, and likewise found no interest in purchasing my CDs. I came back from Anaheim disappointed after only selling about 15 CDs (about 285 CDs were shipped back to Columbus).

In 2005 (a year after the release of Backstage Pass), I remember sitting on a rock outside a hotel in Bristol, TN after a show at King College. My band mates and I were struggling to see eye-to-eye and the turn out for the show at King was far from what I had expected. This was the straw that began to break the camel’s back, and I think it was at this point that I really started considering giving up on the idea of pursuing music as a career. I felt like I was hitting one brick wall after another, and wasn’t sure how much more let down I could take.

In 2006, I performed my last show (for nearly 4 years) at Huntington University in Indiana. I had had so many expectations for where my music would go, and so many of those fell flat. Record labels wouldn’t respond to my emails and packets. Most radio stations refused to play my music. I played a number of concerts, but I had a terrible time scheduling band musicians, and the lack of turn out at many shows was disheartening. Once, the band and I drove to a summer camp in West Virginia in hopes of playing for hundreds of kids. What we found was a crowd of about 30 kids, half of them literally passed out in their seats from the scorching summer sun. At many concerts, hardly anyone went out of their way to visit my merchandise table. I often found myself standing there alone while kids visited the merchandise tables of other bands.

To add to all this, between 2004 and 2008, I found myself paying off $10,000 of credit card debt, which would have been easily been paid off with the sale of 1000 CDs (this never happened).

I don’t say all this to make you feel sorry for me. Instead, I’m sharing these stories to give you some background on where I’ve been, and to put into perspective the significance of this new album. A lot has happened in my life since that last concert at Huntington University in 2006, both circumstantially and spiritually. It certainly is interesting to look back and see how God’s fingerprints have been all over those situations that at the time left me discouraged and even at times angry. I imagine you probably have some stories of your own. It’s very easy to focus on our short-term earthly goals without remembering God’s bigger purpose of shaping the attitudes and priorities of our hearts.

Up Next… So why am I working on a new album? What is driving me to take on another project? What is the inspiration behind this CD? Read part 2 of this post...