Why are Sound Men So Annoying?

Generally, sound technicians are the janitors of the performance world. They mop the musician floors, replace the musician lights, and are often not even acknowledged until a musician stall runs out of toilet paper. I am not saying any of this because I am bitter (as I am a sound technician by trade). I actually enjoy running sound, and in most cases, like the possibilities of serving some truly amazing singers and instrumentalists through the venue of audio. I’ve just observed that audio folk often go unrecognized until there is a problem. How many times has a sound man been blessed with a standing ovation? More often, he will receive a sea of turning scowls after the sound system screams with feedback or starts chattering like a squirrel... and sometimes, the problems happen for uncontrollable reasons. All kinds of things can happen. Maybe it’s the wireless microphone that suddenly, without warning, receives interference from a tv station or nearby cell phone... or maybe it’s the novice professional on stage who decides to point her vocal mic directly at the stage monitor... or maybe it’s the bass guitarist who makes the error of plugging his bass guitar into the “out” plug on his bass amp. Accidents are itching to exist, and sometimes the sound man can do little about the union of stupidity and panic birthing beneath the colored lights of center stage. Nevertheless, there are times when the sound guy misses a cue, or forgets to mute the mixer channel when the guitarist reaches to unplug his 1/4” cable from his Martin acoustic (nothing like a thunderous POP!!! to wake you up on an early sunday morning, right after a heart felt message of rededication). Regardless of who is to blame, most people tend to remember the pops and squeals more easily than the shows & services where everything goes off without a hitch. I suppose the goal of the sound tech should be to go unnoticed. If people start talking about you, it’s probably not a good thing.

In contrast to what I've said above, there have been a number of occasions when I’ve been personally acknowledged and thanked for my work as a sound dude. The other day, I was working the faders at a Jazz & Blues festival in Gahanna (OH) when a couple came up to me at the sound board, and complimented me for the good mix. That sort of stuff means a lot. Next time you are at a concert or at church service, make sure to stop by and thank the funny looking bald yet bearded man sitting behind the mixing board (I’ve noticed a trend in bald sound men with beards).

Mad at the World
I have a theory. I believe many sound technicians and stage hands (roadies) are bitter musicians who didn’t ever make it as performers. Now before all my tech friends get upset... let me say this... many of my technical friends are extremely humble and talented musicians, and deserve to be recognized, signed, and distributed (I say this in all seriousness). I’ve just made this general observation as I’ve worked with a variety of audio folk through the years. In fact, while I was at the Jazz & Blues festival the other day, I met one stage hand who was complaining about how the jazz drummers had dented the drum heads on the provided rental drum kit. He was saying things like, “Those guys are such A-h***s. They don’t care what they destroy as long as it isn’t their equipment. F****** musicians.” I had to laugh. I was thinking, “Seriously man, lighten up. Those guys are probably better drummers than you’ll ever be. Show some respect.” You meet all kinds of people. Guys who bring their own headphones, SPL meters (for measuring sound volume levels), adapter boxes, and volumes of ill quoted technical jargon..all the while struggling to understand why the powerless keyboard isn’t working (hint: turn the power strip on!).

My Share of Slip-ups
I try to approach my sound jobs with some humility, knowing that I am pretty ignorant in many areas, and can always use a new dose of learning. In fact, there have been times when I have literally ducked under the sound board after a terrible mistake, embarrassed by the fact that I just overlooked a strategic detail, so obvious that a monkey would have passed with flying colors. We have all those type of days. At least a monkey wouldn’t hold a grudge against the world.