Creatively Speaking

Now that life has at least temporarily slowed down a bit after the wedding and honeymoon, I am beginning to consider where I want to go creatively in this new stage. This Saturday, we’re going to a wrap party for my friend Ben’s movie The Horseman. I’m excited to see the final product on the big screen (hopefully, there’ll be a showing here in Columbus at some point). Although it was a fun project to work on, it’s nice to have a little more free time to do other things. My weekends have also slowed down a bit as Crystal and I are attending a new church, and I am no longer running sound Sunday mornings at the Presbyterian Church where I’ve worked for the last four years. This makes for a bit less responsibility on my plate. I’ll still be working a handful of weddings and concerts, but we’re now dedicating Sunday mornings to growing and learning instead of laboring. I had really felt God tugging on my heart to do this for some time.

I’ve put a lot of effort these last several years into building up my resume of custom music. Along with this, I’ve stepped back from making albums and touring with a band in an attempt to position myself (and now my family) better financially. Instead of investing my resources into one project (ie. Backstage Pass), I’ve slowly acquired gear and samples which now allow me to make original music for a variety of clients and in a variety of styles. Although I enjoy helping clients achieve their personal visions musically (these are the jobs that pay), I often miss the freedom of writing words and music which express more specifically the passions and convictions of my own heart. I think this is a perplexity that every musician will face at some point in his (or her) life, especially if the reality of making a living has set in.

A couple of the biggest questions I’ve been asking myself over the last three years is “What God does want me to write about?” and “Where should I go stylistically?” I have literally worked on dozens of songs since the release of Backstage Pass, but I have thrown most of them away, either because I’m unsatisfied with their content and/or delivery, or I am uneasy about their musical direction. At times, I’ve worried about losing my creative touch and on occasion, I’ve been discouraged at the fruitlessness of my own artistic wanderings.

Backstage Pass was essentially a product of frustration. It was my attempt to be understood deeper, and it was an opportunity to express the pain I felt at that time. I have one musician friend who claims he mostly quit writing songs after he was married, mainly because he was no longer lonely, and loneliness was what had always fueled his artistic inspiration. Hopefully, this will not be my case as I think I have much to express beyond my own potential anxieties (I say potential because I feel rather good as of now, but trials will come), but in any case, I still continue to wrestle with the uncertainly of what I want to communicate through song. The blog has been a good vehicle to express many emotions, some of which would be difficult to abbreviate in 100 words or less (as a song often requires). However, I still miss song writing. It’s just honestly a lot more work. Also, a new blog can be about anything. It can come in any color. It makes sense that songs should be related in shade, at least if they are to go on an album. This takes more planning and focus. Maybe there’s just part of me that’s creatively lazy. Nevertheless, like many efforts, writing songs should get easier the more you do it. That’s at least what I tell myself. I probably need to practice writing melodic stories about other people, for certainly there is always struggle around us, even if the struggle inside feels distant.

The creative mind brings with it a blessing and a curse (many of my artist friends would agree). On one hand, you are gifted with highlighting nuances that others might not otherwise appreciate. However, along with this, you often wrestle with a creative discontentment and an itch to capture that which out does your previous work.

At times, I wonder what the creative types will do in heaven. I’m guessing our sole motivation in writing (if we are able to do so) will be to glorify God. However, down here, the Lord may be uplifted in our private songs, but we won’t dare let them see the light of day until we feel they make us look good as artists. Funny. :)

As you read this, I would appreciate your prayers. I do long to write a new batch of songs but I need God’s direction and leading.