Well, we’ve finally started to settle into our apartment. We just opened our wedding gifts this past Saturday at my parent’s house and with the help of Crystal’s mom, we put away most of our new place settings and cooking gadgets. We have so many kitchen gizmos, we’ve joked we may start a catering business! Along with organizing, we’ve started to adjust to “normal” life in Columbus. I just went back to work on Friday, and we’re slowly taking care of post wedding to do’s (Crystal has to officially change her last name, we are combining bank accounts, etc.). Goodbye Honeymoon, Hello Downer!
Well, I guess you could say the honeymoon is over. By that, I simply mean that we are back from Aruba and I’m out of vacation days. However, it’s interesting how some people would suggest that the transition back to regular life after the excitement of the wedding and the post nuptial celebrations is destined to bring with it a huge let down and a disheartening wake-up call.
This past Sunday, Crystal and I attended our first newly married Bible study. During the group discussion, we were asked if we were enjoying married life and if it was “everything we had been told it would be.” We cheerfully exclaimed that “we were having a great time” to which one young man responded, “Did she tell you to say that?” Wow. I’m still amazed how people respond when you tell them your marriage is wonderful. To this, some would argue, “Just you wait. You’re only newly weds. The honeymoon will be over soon” to which I would differ, “Why does the honeymoon have to ever end?”
I had a good talk with a co-worker yesterday who said he and his wife had had the same cynical responses in a Bible study when they were first married ten years ago. He was also disgusted by the way some Christians (of all people) vocalize their pathetic outlook towards what marriage can be and should be (when it’s centered in Christ).
Some may ask, “how can a newly wed couple have any concept of whether marriage can be good?” First, because God calls it good on a number of occasions (Genesis is an example), and second, we are each eye witnesses of living examples. To start, both Crystal and I are blessed with fabulous Christian parents who have not only stuck together for over 35 years, but are likewise still in love, and even more in love than the day they said “I do.” What a rarity that is these days! We pray that like our parents, we will still be holding hands in public and writing special notes to each other some 40 years from now. Amid all the couples who have seemingly lost their honeymoon, we still see a handful who are overjoyed at the privileged gift they have in one other.
May The Best Spouse Win
It’s frustrating how many Christian marriage books talk of “having a good fight.” Is it really healthy for a husband and wife to fight? (read the definition of fight here) Of course, disagreements will arise, but in fighting, there is always a loser, and there is really no place for a loser in a teammate relationship. If you were running a track relay race, would it make sense to kick your teammate in the shins just before the starting gun was fired? That probably isn’t going to win you a trophy, let alone build moral. The same principle holds true in marriage. In Ephesians 5:28 Paul says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” When you hurt your spouse, you’re hurting yourself, and worse, you’re damaging the fibers of unity which hold your marriage together. In other words, you’re a loser when your spouse loses. There may be compromise, but there should never be hostile competitiveness. Differences should be settled without defensiveness. Adaptation should be made without accusations. Words can be both loving and direct, but they will destroy a marriage if they are loose and demeaning.
Bird Seeds and Limousines
As a special gift for our wedding, my mom designed for us a beautiful cookbook which contains a number of recipes from our family members. One entry which stands out is a sweet 3x5 card from Crystal’s grandma which reads, “Here is a verse I have appreciated. It’s a good one to memorize! Prov 3:6, ‘In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.’ Here is a word of wisdom to both you and Marc. Never go to bed with any ill feelings towards your mate. Admit your anger, pray and forgive.”
Life is certainly filled with trials, and thank God we can’t see every trouble which lies ahead. Along with this, we are all sinful and imperfect people. However, in the midst of a corrupt world, we can learn to be grateful, and we can learn to forgive like Jesus. We can even rediscover gifts which we’ve taken for granted. Maybe you and your mate have drifted apart. Maybe you’ve bought the lie that says your wedding day was the climax of the celebration. Maybe you’ve kissed your honeymoon goodbye and packed it away in an old dusty photo box. Maybe today, Jesus wants you to take a fresh look at your marriage, and what it can be. Maybe you’ll find that “riding off into the sunset” is much more than an event, it’s ultimately a lifestyle and an attitude of the heart.
To read chapter 3 of Singlehood in the Rear View, click here.
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