Singlehood in the Rear View: Chapter 4

I thought another edition of Singlehood in the Rear View might be fitting for Valentine’s Day, especially as this is Crystal and my first February 14th together as a married couple. This has been a special day so far, complete with cards, candy, breakfast in bed, and a special lunch complete with sparkling grape juice, among other goodies. I’m thinking the day may be filled with some other surprises too, but don’t tell my wife.

What a Contrast
Married life is most definitely different than life as a single person. For one, the majority of my time is no longer spent looking and wondering if this person or that person is The One. There certainly is a new freedom, but with it, there comes another level of responsibility. Now, every decision in my life involves and affects another individual. As a married man, I have to work daily to keep the relationship between my wife and I at the top of the priority list.

When You Care To Send The Very Best
The other day, I picked up a card at the local Hallmark, and let me just say finding a good Valentine’s Day card is a challenge. I was flabbergasted at the number of cards which were written as apologizes. For example, a couple cards sadly began with “I know I don’t tell you I love you very often, but...” Others had such unromantic lines as “You make me a better person” and “I love you because you love me.”

How To Keep Your Valentine
I am no expert here, and I’m certainly not the perfect mate by any stretch of the imagination, but I thought I’d highlight some common guidelines which I’ve observed through the years in the lives of happy couples. Some of these seem like no-brainers, but it’d probably be startling to find out how many Christian husbands and wives out there don’t even consider the following practices reasonable nor significant.

1. Tell your wife/husband you love her/him every day.

2. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. In other words, work things out before you go to bed and don’t hold grudges.

3. Touch often. There’s really no good reason why you can’t keep touching after you get married.

4. Be open and honest with each other. Stay accountable with your mate.

5. Don’t belittle your spouse, whether in public or private. If there is a problem, focus on the problem, not the person. Phrases such “you always...” or “you never...” are a good way to knock the foundation out from under your relationship. Sarcasm may be funny to you, but your loose words may be more damaging than you think.

6. Pray together. It’s sort of a cliché, but the couple that prays together does have a better chance of staying together. It’s tough to pray together if you’re not getting along.

7. Study your spouse and learn how to put her/his interests first.

8. Keep dating (your spouse) after you say “I Do.” Babysitters may be expensive, but your marriage may greatly benefit from a long overdue weekend away. I recently heard of an author who showed his priorities at the end of the work day by always kissing his wife first before he kissed his little daughter. Kids need to see that mom and dad love each other, even if that means that mommy and daddy have some healthy alone time.

Cheers To Many More Years
I recently read some web reviews of the Atlanta church produced movie, Fireproof. As cheesy as the movie was at times, I think it had some excellent lessons. However, the secular articles I read poked fun at the film, claiming that it was over simplistic in its moral. If you haven’t seen the movie, I’ll give you a quick synopsis. Basically, Kirk Cameron is a firefighter whose rocky marriage is resurrected after he, “buys his wife roses, does the dishes, and finds God.” (as the article put it). In the movie, Kirk’s dad gives him a 40 day marriage to-do journal, and Kirk’s broken relationship with his wife does a 180 after 40 days of rethinking both his priorities and his connection with God.
I certainly don’t believe for a second that troubled marriages can be fixed in 10 easy steps, but I do believe in the power of Christ to change lives, and I would argue that this is the primary focus of the movie. I believe it’s important to always put the Lord first in our lives, and from that will outpour the fruits of the Spirit, which include love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control... all of which will help you and I to be better spouses.

And now off to that surprise I was talking about.

To read chapter 5 of Singlehood in the Rear View, click here.